I've come to a realization about myself lately. I DO care what other people think of me. (On a certain level.) It's real easy to shake the world off and do what you want when you want no matter how it affects other people, but that's just not me. I'm sensitive.
The past few months at work have really been a struggle. I'm in a lead position and with that responsibility it pretty much means you don't have many friends. You are the enemy. You are the tattle tail. You are the suck up. You are the outcast. I've learned in the past few months who my actual "work friends" are. They are the ones that respect your position even if it means you have to tell them they did something wrong or they really need to improve. I thank them for being mature and understanding that it IS my job and I have to do it fair.
It totally sucks to go to work knowing that your face does not want to be seen by people. People don't want you walking by their desk and they for sure DO NOT want to receive emails from you pointing out something they did wrong. (For the record, if I come across my own mistakes I post them up so everyone knows I make mistakes too.) This type of attitude shut me down completely from my team. I showed up, did my job, smiled falsely and went home. I mean, people were making things up about me. Telling people I said things that I NEVER said. I had enough and kindness just couldn't be found in my heart for them.
The unnecessary drama caused a few friendships to be totally lost. I should be upset about it but something in me just says to move on. I'm at an age that I'm just not gonna fish for any friendship. If it's worth holding on to I will make the first move and be the first to admit my faults. But the downside of all of these happenings is that if I'm done with you then I' done with you. What I need to realize is that these "friends" might be in need of something. Maybe they need a smile, a hug, just a simple good morning. I'm gonna work on it. I am.
While reading this months issue of Glamour magazine I came across a couple of articles that made me rethink MY actions. I'm not admitting to being a mean person. If you know me AT ALL you should know that I have an extremely kind heart and I want the best for EVERYONE. But, with that being said, there is also a tiny, tiny, tiny, little spot in the very very back of my heart that can be just a little tiny bit evil. I'm not proud of it. I don't brag about it. I do, however, don't do anything to make it better. So, I am going to take the queues from the pages of Glamour and spread some anonymous love to the world.
The article in the September 2010 issue of Glamour is on page 116 titled Go Ahead: Tell a Stranger She's Gorgeous! So that is what I am going to do. So, thank you Caitlin Boyle, the woman who is spreading some love world wide. She is sticking up Post-It notes with encouraging sayings on them in random places to possibly make someones day. I'm going to do it too!!! Why not spread some anonymous love? Check out Caitlin's website WWW.OPERATIONBEAUTIFUL.COM.
I've armed myself with some Post-its and I'm ready to stick 'em up! I encourage you to do the same. Hey, it's an excuse to go to the stationary aisle. :)