It’s Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Eight!! Let’s blog!!
Today’s topic = Least Favorite Thing About The Holidays
Well, first of all it’s hard for me to be in a sour mood this time of year because it’s my absolute favorite time of year!! I love the weather, I love the television specials, I love the holiday movies, I love the spirit that people get into. BUT, there is usually a very small cloud that hovers over me during this excitement. It’s the cloud of guilt and emptiness.
I tell myself every year that I’m going to take several of those tags off the Angel trees at Wal*Mart and make some families happy. And every year I walk right past them thinking about what I came there to buy. I feel extremely selfish and I always feel the tapping of guilt on my shoulders. It’s a struggle this time of year because I walk the line of “do I buy for my family? Do I buy for someone else’s family?” I know I can’t meet the needs of every stranger out there but I do need to do my part and share the blessings that God gives me each and every day. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, I’m blessed beyond what I ever think I deserve. My God is awesome and He loves me! You know that envelope system I was talking about? I think I will have one just for this occasion for next year.
Now, let’s talk about the emptiness. Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing family that fills my life with more joy than I can tell you. My family and Zach’s family are the most loving, caring, supportive people I know. I love them all with all my heart! But, I still get really sad when I watch movies where families all come together and enjoy each others company and laugh and cook and decorate and talk to each other like everyone’s thoughts and feelings matter. Especially if it’s a mother/daughter situation. To make a looooooong story short, my parents divorced in 2005. It was ugly and it still is. It’s ugly now because I haven’t spoken to my mother in a year and a half and she only lives a couple towns away. It’s a very sticky emotional situation that I wish would just go away and we could be close again. So I’m left with this emptiness that only gets worse during the holiday season. I know one day it will get better but until then I just have to go on and live my life.
I’m sure others who are doing the 12 Days of Christmas Challenge probably chose their least favorite things about the holiday being long lines at stores, insane traffic, spending too much money so I’m sorry I kind of wrote a downer of a blog. I just thought I would be honest with you and let you see that I’m not all smiles and sparkles. I am human and I definitely don’t want to be a fake in my blog. This Is Me! Hope you are having a blessed day and thanks for keeping up with me throughout the challenge so far.
Happy HAPPY Holidays,